🌀The Sacred Healing Journey 🌀
The path to awakening is a spiral. We weave in and out, revisiting feelings we thought that we had completely moved through.
This winter I embarked on another sacred journey of healing with my children’s father. We have joined together to create a beautiful sanctuary, and homestead for our family. There are two homes on this land- and enough space to grow most of our family’s food needs. The intention behind this is that together we are able to give so much more to are children than if we are separate. The “Forgiveness Gardens” have been birthed. We have planted over a 100 fruit trees, 3 dozen berry canes, built a chicken house and much more. The children are thriving and happy.
It sounds so beautiful when I describe it- but it has been a long road for me. There were a lot of birthing pains for me in this project. The first month was so challenging I could hardly bear it. I was on the ground sobbing- begging Spirit to show me, help me, teach me, guide me. All of the old pain that I thought I had healed came back- from the marriage, the divorce, selling the farm, leaving the community in CO- everything was coming back to me. I was scared, frustrated, and I felt isolated and alone. I missed the support of my spiritual communities, longing for the community and of my teachers in CO, I missed the cows I used to milk and the land in CO, I felt isolated from my family and friends, and I longed for a beloved to lay with me in bed at night.
I was stuck in the past. I was stuck in what I ‘wanted’ things to be like. I was not able to let go of my preconceived notions and accept the reality of the situation. I thought- I left everything I loved and that was sacred to me for this- all this pain, I cannot take it. This will ruin me- how can I help others when I am going through this?
There are no teachers in this realm for me. Every time I asked Spirit to show me a teacher the answer was always- look in, you are your teacher. You are the one you are seeking- it is not out there.
There are no couples that are demonstrating this type of co-creation that I know personally- divorced but united family models. We are charting new waters. And I believe we will be an example and inspiration to many in this lifetime!
The situation is beautiful- my ex-husband is like a brother to me, and loves me deeply. He does everything in his power to help me succeed and be happy. He has taught me so much about what it means to love unconditionally. When we moved here I was unable to love him, I was mad that we were divorced, I was mad that we were here in Cali trying to grow food and not back in CO on the land I loved so dearly with the precious cows and the tight community, I was mad that he has a partner and I am still single- I was so upset I could not receive his love. He has stood there waiting- when you are ready to receive it- I will show you how much I love and care about you.
Slowly I have been able to move through these emotions, to let go of the past, to let go of my idea of what things should be like, to have compassion for myself, to have compassion for my process, to love myself and love my pain.
And you know what- I am really fucking proud that I am living on the same land as my children’s father and his partner. It is so incredibly beautiful. We can share in meals, share in our healing, and raise our children together in harmony.
I know that one day I will meet a man who can join me on my sacred healing journey. I have faith that my beloved and I will meet and he will want to join our family- and love my children as his own, and honor my sacred work. Until then- I will continue the work I am doing for the healing of my soul, creating this amazing Homestead, and nourishing the most beautiful mixed family there ever was.
Thank you Spirit-
Thank you for all your blessings, all your teachings, and all your love.
Thank you for standing by me.
I am forever grateful for this sacred life, and the opportunities that have been gifted to me. I will continue to heal and share this with the world. I will continue to help lift up others and be a beacon of love and light to the world.
I honor all my relations- the earth, the air, the water, the fire, the four legged, the winged ones, the water dwellers, the creepy crawlers, the fungi, the stones, the sun, the trees- everything- they are all my relatives and I give thanks for them all.
May we all walk in beauty on our Sacred Healing Journey-
Many Blessings to All
Aho Mitakuye Oyasin