This Child of mine-
She is incredible
When I realized I was pregnant- one of my first thoughts was-I have 8 months to heal all my mommy and daddy issues before becoming a parent. Whenever I hear of a friend being pregnant- my advice is always- look at any trauma you may still carry from your childhood or your family lineage AND learn how to cook because you will both need to eat.
Well- I didn’t manage to heal all my ancestral trauma before she transitioned into this dimension- surprise, surprise. But, this perfect and beautiful being has been so patient with me as I continue to figure out how to be a mother, to heal, to find myself and to regain my power in this lifetime.
Anyone who knows me knows- one of my favorite things is to be in ceremony. And being in ceremony with my children is like icing on the cake. Gathering in sacred space- giving thanks, honoring the ancestors, sharing medicine, connecting in an open-hearted way and communing with the Divine. Any form of ceremony is precious- whether it is making corn dolls and honoring the Corn Mother at Equinox, sharing gratitude before eating, offering prayers to grandfather fire under the full moon, or speaking with the oracle for guidance. It is all sacred- this precious life is Sacred.
The practice- is bringing this conscious open-hearted awareness into every aspect of our life- then, our life becomes the living ceremony. Each breath, each thought, each action is done with intention- we are in prayer and service to the Divine always and in all ways- This is Holy. We become the medicine, we are the ceremony, we are the living prayer and expression of the Divine in every moment. This is my practice- returning to the sacred with each breath in every moment.
This past year has been such a blessing to share beautiful moments in ceremony with my daughter. She chose to join me and some close girlfriends for my birthday ceremony at the hot springs. With her brothers and our family, she has been an anchored and grounded presence in our circles. She joins me in prayer to heal our bodies with Yoga and Qi gong. And I’ve had the privilege to accompany her as she channels the Divine through her art.
For Summer Solstice, we took a pilgrimage to our Ancestral homelands. It felt very meaningful that I brought her with me to meet the ancestors of our lineage and pray under the guidance of the ancient ones at Stonehenge. To greet the ancestors and offer myself in service with my daughter was an incredible honor. The fact that I came with her instead of guiding a retreat seemed important. We reconnected our ancestral maternal lines to the sacred healing arts- healing the past, present and future. Reclaiming our right to gather in ceremony and pray with the Ancestors for the healing and awakening of All of mankind. Some of the most precious moments of my life have been bearing witness to her receiving the healing transmissions from the Ancestors- it is glorious.
It has been an honor to share space with her as she steps into her role as women and begins to truly embody her truth. To humbly be a part of her journey of Remembrance as I learn how to hold space for her while she turns to face her shadow. To be with and guide her through her healing for the sake of her future children is remarkable. She has begun her own hero’s journey and I have been graced to be a small part of it.
With each passing day I am more and more grateful for every moment that she chooses to share space with me. Giving thanks for the opportunity to dance in both the light and the dark as we continue to walk each other home. With gratitude in my heart I am blessed every day by this journey of motherhood that she has gifted me.
I know I have caused some damage to her in her early years (and still do). I did not model a healthy marriage. But this is the fire that keeps me accountable today. It burns with a desire to live in right relations with her father- to teach her that healing is possible- to create a balanced and healthy relationship with my future partner. This drive to ‘right’ the wrongs in order to heal the lineage for her and her children keeps me committed to my growth. I cannot change the past- but I can continue to build a better future for her and her children. Letting go of the trauma and shame that is not me or mine to carry- burdens that I took on from others, society and my lineage.
I am learning how to Be the Divine Mother- the Nurturer, the giver of unconditional Love. Holding space for the innocence of my inner child- so that she sees it is safe for her inner child to be Free and express herself. Learning from my past and everyday committing to release the disfunction. Calling in the Sacred Mother. Beginning to embody more and more the Divine Mother Goddess- so that one day she will blossom into her own expression of the Divine Mother.
Everything I do- and all that I am- is in service to my children and their children. May I continue to heal, to learn, to awaken and remember my brilliance and the Truth of who I am- so that I may be LOVE- unconditional Love- for my children, and all of God’s children on Mother Earth. May we all continue to awaken and teach the children well. For the sake of our Mother Earth, for all of humanity- the future lies in our Children. Let us all embody the Divine Mother and the Divine Father- so that we can nurture the innocent children within our hearts and allow them to blossom in all their brilliance.
I am forever grateful to watch this Lily bloom in all her beauty and Glory.
Thank you, Thank you, thank you