Hoʻoponopono-
I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you
Ho’oponopono is an ancient practice of forgiveness and reconciliation. Traditionally Ho’oponopono is a ritual performed by the eldest member of the family or a healer of the community to bring harmony back to the relations within the family. If a person has wronged someone, or there are hurt feelings within the family than this practice is performed to reunite the family, to reconcile the situation, to make right what is out of harmony.
Traditionally in Hawaii it was believed that illness was often caused by a person’s errors or by breaking kapu (spiritual laws) and that the illness could not be cured until the sufferer atoned for their transgression. Often a praying priest or healing priest would be asked to help conduct a ceremony for the patient and they would be asked to atone for their sins by confessing, and by asking forgiveness from the Gods and from the person whom they wronged.
Illness was believed to have stemmed from reasons such as the God’s being upset by the person’s errors, or the error itself, or the guilt the person felt because they did the error. It was believed that many illnesses stemmed from anger, guilt, recriminations, misuse of sexual energy and lack of forgiveness.
If a child was sick, the community would often look toward the parents to see if they had been quarreling or misbehaving in order to figure out how the child got sick. Often if a person was sick there will be a sort of confessional over the ill person in order to determine the cause of the illness.
“Hoʻoponopono” is defined in the Hawaiian Dictionary as:
(a) “To put to right; to put in order, correct, revise, adjust, amend, arrange, rectify, tidy up, make orderly, administer, supervise, manage, edit
(b) “Mental cleansing: family conferences in which relationships were set right (hoʻoponopono) through prayer, discussion, confession, repentance, and mutual restitution and forgiveness.”
The other night in my meditation I was thinking about the importance of forgiveness. I was thinking about how everyone is human, and as humans we will make lots of mistakes- several a day, hundreds a week, thousands a year. I will make mistake after mistake, after mistake in this lifetime. And that is ok. Because that is what it means to be human. And the most important thing is that I learn from my mistakes, and that I ask forgiveness for my mistakes. I will admit, I have not always been very good at asking for forgiveness. In the past I have cared more about being right, not wanting to look bad, and not wanting to admit my faults.
So, the other night when thinking about forgiveness, I would have a thought and then if I felt that thought was out of alignment, I would ask for forgiveness of myself or of the thing/place/person with whom I was thinking. I would rectify the ‘wrong’ thinking in my head. If I can at least catch myself and immediately correct myself than I will learn and improve and the thought that was not of my highest good will no longer begin to cause damage to my life, it will be corrected immediately and therefore not ripple out in negative waves.
I began to see my relationship to all things as a reflection of myself. If I can maintain harmony with all my relationships, then I will have harmony within myself. I decided that in order for me to achieve harmony- I must atone for my sins. I must ask for forgiveness where I have done wrong, I must make up for my mistakes by demonstrating a better way, I must look at how I can create balance and peace within each and every relationship. This is challenging, this is confronting, and this is humbling. I mean- every relationship. My relationship with my kids, my co-workings, my peers, my friends, my teachers, my students, my parents, my siblings, the Mother Earth, the Gods, the Trees, the plants, the ocean, the sky, my body, my heart, my soul, my mind, etc., etc.
What if before every thought, before every action, before every word- I took the time to reflect on if that was bringing harmony or disorder into my relations. What if I immediately rectified myself if what I did or said was out of alignment? What if we all acted in this way? Can we allow ourselves the space and time to reflect before we speak? Can we humble ourselves enough to admit when we have done something wrong? Can we care enough about our relationships to confront the situation with love and ask for forgiveness, and recommit ourselves to the righteous path?
So, I ask you- how are your relationships? How are all of your relationships? Are they strong, are they healthy, is there love in your relationships?
It does not matter what happened, it does not matter who is right, is does not matter what they did to you, or you did to them. What matters is right now- in this moment- is there harmony in that relationship? Is there love in that relationship? Is there tension, fear, anger, sadness, jealousy or pain?
If you would like to bring about more healing in your life, I invite you to look at your relationships. I invite you to see if there is a way to bring about more connection, more love, more peace, more joy in those relationships. I used to have ‘too much pride’ to admit my faults, to apologize and to try and rectify my wrongs. I waited until the other person apologized first because I felt so hurt by what they had done. I now realize that it is even more courageous to go up to someone and humble yourself in front of them and ask for their forgiveness. If you can admit your faults to them and ask them to forgive you- you will be the leader of the relationship. It takes a brave heart to create harmony in all your relationships. I will continue to walk the red road and create harmony with all my relations. Aho Mitakuye Oyasin.