Marriage and Divorce

I am a big believer in Marriage. I honor and value the sacredness of marriage. I believe it is a sad mark on our society that there are so many divorces. A little piece of my heart used to break every time I heard of another divorce.

How can you say these things, and yet you are a divorced woman? Yes, I am divorced. But that does not change the fact that I value marriage very highly.

For the 10 years of my marriage, I was very judgmental about divorce. I will admit it. I looked down at divorce. I disassociated from friends who were separated, or divorced. I wanted to only hang out with other couples. I was determined to make the “Happily ever after” a reality.

At times in the marriage, I would go to therapy and say, “Help. I will do anything, but not get a divorce.” I tried everything I could at the time to heal the marriage. But I could not do it.

And then, the day came, when I had to eat some humble pie. I got divorced. And all of a sudden I had to come face to face with the fact that I was now a divorced woman, mother of three. I never thought I would wake up one day and be a single mother of three.  One does not plan this sort of thing when they envision their life.

But the divorce has taught me a lot. I have learned that I am not a “bad” person, simply because I am divorced. In fact, I am much happier in life now. The divorce has been painful yes, but I am a better person for having gone through it. And I am a better mother for my children. All through the marriage I thought, “I have to stay together for the sake of the kids.” But, now I realize that I am demonstrating a healthier, happier version of myself and therefore I am a better female role model to my kids as a divorced mother.

What does this all mean? Am I now pro-divorce? No, I would not say that, but I do acknowledge that at times it is the best choice. I still honor the sacredness of marriage.  I still am here to help any married couple that would like help to work through their challenges.

​I offer couples healing sessions that have really helped couples come together again in love. Healing relationships is one of my highest goals. In these sessions, I hold space for the couple to express what is going on. What challenges they are facing. I help them move through those blocks. And open the doors to the positive love that is also there between the couple. And then the couple lies down and breathes together. These sessions are powerful and a lot can open up for the couple through these healing sessions.

I now have a more holistic point of view on marriage. It is not one sided. Before I thought- the marriage must stay no matter what. Now I acknowledge that some relationships are past the point of healing. That some situations are best for both people to move on.

What does a marriage look like that is past the point of no return? What are some of the signs that the marriage is heading toward a point of being completely broken? I would say that if the people in the marriage are not able to pursue their soul’s calling, if they are not able to be fully themselves, if they are not expressing themselves artistically, spiritually, creatively-than something needs to shift in the marriage.

​In order to create a healthy marriage, each person in the partnership must daily commit to it. They must honor themselves and the other person in the relationship. Each person must be free to be himself or herself and must also be supported by the other.  This is the delicate balance of a marriage. To support the other, to hold space for them, and to allow them their freedom.

An important aspect of marriage is the ability to share with each other your fears, weaknesses, doubts, anxieties, and hardships. Healthy marriages are ones where each person in the relationship can hold space for the other- no matter what. That means that they can be there to support and love the other unconditionally. Without judgments, with out trying to control them, without abandoning them. If a person can hold this type of space, than the other can openly share their inner most feelings. Maybe they fear it might hurt the other person to share these feelings? If your partner can hold space for you, then you are free to share your deepest darkest secrets. That is the value of intimate relationships. A safe space to let it all out. And through sharing these deep-seated feelings, we release the power they have on us and can heal from them.

And to those of you who are divorced (or single) my advice to you is to marry yourself. Can you learn to be your own soul mate?  Can you honor yourself fully and hold space for yourself? Can you listen to yourself, your intuition, your needs and fears?

I truly believe that as a person grows in this relationship with them self, then the right partner will appear.  It is of no use to look outside for your next partner. Rather, look inward and tear down the walls you have built within yourself to connect deeply with others, to give and receive love with others. And once a person can heal them self enough, once they have joined in sacred union with their higher self, then they will be ready to enter another relationship with someone. For we are complete as we are. We can hold the masculine and feminine within ourselves.

So if you are reading this and are married that is a beautiful thing to be celebrated.  If you are reading this and are struggling through your marriage, there is help out there. I am happy to do a couples session with you. If you are single and want to find your life partner, I am happy to help you heal the parts of you that need healing in order to create space for that partner in your life. And if you are going through a divorce I can help you navigate through the tough times in order to regain your footing and reconnect with yourself. I can give suggestions on how to create ceremony and cut those energetic cords in order to move forward.

​Above all, let us hold space for each other. Whatever path we may be on. Let us help each other to grow and heal. There is room in society for marriage, for those who choose to be single, and for those who are divorced.